Don't Worry, It's Me (Revision)
our immeasurable potential is a flock
of fat blackbirds, frowning a telephone wire
with the weight of caked feathers, second-hand silk
as a hundred thousand voices stream through
the thick wound cable, sagging and patient,
voices saying i am sick
i love you so much i am vulnerable
perhaps tomorrow buenos dias
look for me i will be there,
sedated hums and wet gasps,
the current hurries through a body of dark veins,
a suspended nervous system
threatening to ground itself with the weight
of each new bird, until the first tail feathers touch
down, detonating the migration out
like a flung pack of cards, spades like rain,
hearts in a low flying cloud
2 Comments:
i like the removal of comma in i love you so much i am vulnerable. it's like enjambment (sp?) in the middle of a goddamn line.
this poem is pretty grand. i don't like the playing cards line (even though i am an absolute sap for playing cards in general)--it takes me out of the stream of more powerful images that came before. what weight do playing cards have? what cultural, emotional, natural? they add v little.
i do, however, like the verb flung, and hope you find some way to keep it.
am pleased youre adding more poems (am going to read your new one next), and am pleased to be your fanclub. keep writing and posting please.
I am not a blogger. I do not even read blogs. A John Frusciante reference drew me to your page. I. Cannot. Get. Enough. The words are better than good and, if it ever became marketable, (a certain inevitability with all things appealing) I would purchase your brand of insanity.
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